Friday, September 26, 2008

Pause: The Casting Couch

Coquette tagged me back last Friday for a meme: Identify the leading actors for the movie version of your blog. I’m a blog-meme virgin, but I’ll try anything once. First though, if you’re a reader of this blog it may surprise you that you really haven’t even met two of the three lead characters. I’ve made mention of Kendra and Jane but you don’t know much about them yet and there’s no doubt that they are, along with your faithful narrator, the lead characters of Crack The Whip. But, let’s deal with a few people you know first. For the role of Jackie I’ll pick Karri Turner. I had never heard of her, and I’ve never seen her in anything, but when the casting consultant (AKA: IMDB) showed me these recent pictures of her I thought she looked like Jackie did circa mid to late 90’s. Amazingly so. Clear-eyed. A little world-weary. And ready for anything.

Several people were interested in Diana as our story played out. I can’t find anyone to cast as the Diana of the early 70’s, but I do have someone in mind I can imagine is a lot like the Diana of today. Except, of course, I haven't seen her in 35 I'm just guessing here-- or dreaming.
That’s Christina Hendricks who plays Joan in “Mad Men” on AMC. I don’t watch much TV other than sports. I watch movies, but I prefer ones from pre-1968 generally, so it’s a struggle for me to cast my movie with people who aren’t long dead. How fitting then that I cast Ms. Hendricks, who portrays an early 1960’s happenin' babe. Hell, I really am stuck in a time warp. But, I’ve just seen the first two episodes of “Mad Men” this week—thanks Netflix—and Joan’s character is similar to Diana. Except of course, Diana isn't around, like I said. Hmmm, I think writing about her stirred up a lot of stuff. I wonder what her e-mail address is?

Denise, my first ever, was a dead ringer for the Jane Fonda of “Klute” as I wrote in an early post. Here’s Jane’s mug shot and if I showed you a picture of Denise you wouldn’t be able to tell her from this Jane. Whoa! Right on which yer bad self there, Jane! By the way, Denise boomerangs too. Twice. Yikes! Dammit, I've said too much.

You probably know an actress named Kate Beckinsale. I did not because I'm out of it. But, I came across her picture and cast her as Jane. This gets confusing... Jane Fonda is Denise but Jane who you haven't met is played by Kate. And Cate isn't even in the movie. Whee! This is so much fun! Anyway, Kate's body and hair are so close to what Jane looked like in the mid to late 1990’s when we were fu… oops, almost gave away some of the future story! Kate doesn’t look exactly like Jane in the face but that’s mainly because Ms. Beckinsale has an incredibly tiny nose. Give her a slightly prominent proboscis and she’s well cast. Yep, take a look… the fingers… the body… the wide mouth... and oh, that hair… yes, that’s Janey.

The other lead is Kendra. In the late 70’s Kendra was often told she looked like Susan Blakely. I never quite saw that. She looked much more like Donna Dixon to me. And, when looking for a picture of Donna Dixon I discovered a fairly current picture and, damn, she still looks a lot like her. So, Donna, you get the role of Kendra both before and after. Although Kendra’s 70’s hair was more Farrah and less "styling by Sunbeam mix-master."

Yes. There are great similarities there-- and not just the face and hair.

That leaves me. If you’ve been reading this story of mine you’ve been traveling along with me in the early 70’s so far. At that time in my life I was often told I looked like Jackson Browne. If my hair got too long people said James Taylor circa Mud Slide Slim. I never saw the James Taylor similarity but, back then, I could kind of see the Jackson Browne thing. Same coloring, same too straight dark brown hair. But, James Taylor went bald and Jackson Browne refused to update his haircut over the past 40 years so I no longer see any resemblance-- and I sure never had their musical talent. But, in the early 70’s, this would be close enough…
I still have a full head of hair today but not that 1970’s haircut. Plus the brown is mixed with gray now. Or is it gray mixed with brown—kind of hard to tell. Time marches on. Frankly, to cast me, you could pick just about any average looking guy in his mid-40’s and cut and dye his hair. (Hey, I look ten years younger than I am. Really. ) The crucial thing though is the voice. Hollywood can fake anything else but they have to get my voice right. So, there’s only one guy to cast— and, hey, he’s pretty good with horses too. Yes, I cast Sam Elliott as me.

Sam, what do you think, will you take the part? Sam?

Hold it! He looks a lot like me in the 1980’s too!!!

My casting is now complete. Aside from a few dozen actresses with, um, smaller roles. I’d love to cast the rest of those parts today but I get so tired chasing around this casting couch.


L. said...

I read through the babe list going yeah, yeah, yeah... nice, Diana is just like I pictured her, sure, good one, yeah...

But I gotta tell you: Sam Elliott? That's my secret crush. If you can do that deep-voiced drawl thing too, I'm just... hm.

Okay. I need to get to work. I think I just spent half an hour in a reverie there.

Coquette said...

Aww... thanks for playing along Wil. I love getting visuals on all your women. And your former self.

And Sam Eliot sounds EXACTLY how you sound in my fa... Ah! Now I'm the one saying too much.

ez cheese said...

Boomerang, huh? Sounds like some new reading material coming up.

Wil said...

L.- I guess it isn't such a secret crush now! Only a half an hour's worth of distraction? I must be slipping.

Coquette- It was fun to play the casting meme but more work than I'm used to so I guess I'll take a nap now. We really old guys need lots of naps, Coquette. :-) (I'll never forgive you for that, you know.)

EZCheese-- Yeah. Jackie wasn't the only boomerang... there's Denise and Suzanne... and, well we'll get to them all in due time. Thanks for the comment. Good to hear from you.

Cheating Wife said...

I am so loving this....Sam Elliott, huh? it hot in here? *looking around, feverish*


Now I am thinking who I would be in hollywood?...hmmmm

Kyra said...

Sam Elliott's voice? Um, er, *fans self* Have I mentioned how much I love phone sex? ;-)

Ms. Inconspicuous said...

Oh boy... what would it take to get on your casting couch, one has to wonder...

*Lost in thought*

Cate said...

Yes, but there will be a sequel and I expect to see me in it.

Meet you on the couch!

Cate xxx

Wil said...

CW- feed a fever, isn't that the prescription?

Kyra- Well, I was in charge of casting so, who knows, maybe I really sound like Mickey Mouse.

Ms.I- Most casting directors require a head shot. From what I've heard.

Cate- Ah, the sequel. Highly dependent on the box office for the initial effort.

Tiffany Cavalli said...

Wil.. Sunday night over here. I was somehow linked to the meme by miss Coquette so really read your post with interest. Its a classic.. Especially how you have cast your self. Lovely photos all round. Fantasy stuff. Really good. Love and best wishes. Tiff