Last week after writing about the lunchtime fun we had I realized that Jackie was wearing a uniform of sorts at the time. The women working at my local grocery wear polo shirts and khakis and not the smocks that those FoodTown gals wore back in the 70's. Sensible shoes today seem to more often be Nikes, Keds, or New Balance-- not the rubber-soled slightly manly dress shoes of my youth. But this made me ponder the idea of the woman-in-uniform fetish. It must be a fairly common fetish among those humans who lust for human women since I've seen all sorts of uniforms offered for sale that couldn't ever actually be worn on the job-- unless the job involved a transaction in the neighborhood of $300-400 an hour for half and half no tip required but certainly welcomed; all extras to be negotiated at the time of service.
But I digress.
I think of myself as being pretty fetish-free. I'm neither proud of that nor ashamed-- I just regard myself that way. This of course assumes that 4 inch or higher heels coupled with lace-top stockings and a great garter/ thong/bra set are in no way a "fetish." And they aren't, as long as they're worn by a woman. If I'm wearing them-- that's a fetish. But, I don't, so like I said, I'm basically fetish-free. However, a couple of years ago I had to have surgery for the first time in my life. On the morning they were to slice open my abdominal cavity and root around in there for a while I arrived at the hospital ready to have the whole thing over-- and fast. Several days earlier I had been at the hospital to do all the preliminary paperwork. Everyone was so sweet to me and everyone was decidedly female. Women treating me nicely is always a good thing, but I was slightly disappointed. Nurses don't wear crisp white dress uniforms anymore. I'm not an idiot. Check that, I am an idiot, but what I mean is that I knew they didn't dress like that anymore. But, the realization that I was going to have all of these wonderful, kind, caring women looking out for me while wearing the professional equivalent of sweat clothes was (sue me) kinda sorta disappointing. I wanted to see some legs-- even if they were in white hose. Hell, especially in white hose. And trust me, the idea of a buxom nurse (and my favorite hospital has a few of those) looking like the buttons on her starched uniform might pop open was... well, dammit, I was going under the knife and I needed some diversion.
So, that morning, as the cutest thing you ever saw in scrubs was shaving one side of my most-private area (a little symmetry please, is that too much to ask!) I said, "Don't they allow you to wear the old-school nurse uniforms anymore?"
She held the disposable razor over my scrotal area and said, "You don't like my scrubs, Mr. Wilson?"
"Love 'em. Love 'emlove 'emlove 'em!" I said.
Then she winked (I swear she did, really!), and said, "Scrubs are a lot more comfortable than those old uniforms. Plus, they are easier to get into and out of. *Smile* But, unfortunately, we have to put something in your IV now to send you off to dreamland."
"Will you be here when I awaken to tell me sordid stories from the medical world, Melanie?" I asked wistfully.
She put her hand on my forehead and said, "I just might have to stay past my shift-- you are a bit feverish."
She laughed, shook her head and watched as they started the elixir that would erase several hours of my life.
Of course, when I awoke, she was gone. But another lovely woman brought me some crackers. She would have looked good in a white dress uni too. Sigh.
The polo shirt and khaki "uniform" for grocery clerks and electronics store employees is something I trace back to Southwest Airlines. (Maybe not, but that's where I remember it gaining popularity.) If you've flown Southwest in the past umpteen years or so you know what I mean. But if, like me, you flew Southwest back when they were an upstart regional airline, you know an entirely different flight attendant uniform. Yes, dear reader(s), there was a time when a Southwest flight out of Houston Hobby at 5PM to Dallas Love Field was a flying cocktail lounge. As soon as that light went out there were a minimum of fifty cigarettes torched and the waitresses, er, flight attendants, hit the aisles with beer and mixed drinks. They wore knee high go-go boots, hot pants (sorry, that's what they were called!), and very tight tops. Think Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders with a tray full of drinks. I'm not saying it was a better time, I'm just saying it was a different time.
So, now that I think of it, maybe I do have a mild uniform fetish. I better hurry and catch my plane. And upon arrival find a hospital full of nurses in white uniforms. And maybe I can get Kendra to put on an old TGIFridays uniform top-- those tight red and white stripes covering just the greatest damn rack I ever...
Ok, ok, I definitely have some minor uniform fetish thing going on here. But I don't know anything about the girl in the picture above. Seriously. She looks like a hostess on a starship... maybe a starship run by the guys who started Southwest Airlines... damn, look at her, I need a cocktail... and maybe some pictures of "amateurs" in school girl uniforms... God, it's so fucking hot in here...